Old habits die hard

I am in love with someone else.

We broke up recently but I am in love with him still.

Of course.

And then you rise from the past and you call me.

I don’t wanna pick up the phone but I do.

I hear your voice.

You are laughing.

We are making jokes.

And I realise how much I ve missed you.

I forget all the bad things that you did to me and the aweful person you have become.

I smile wide while talking.

I keep on smiling.

Then reality strikes me.

I hang up on you before it gets too intimate and then I start to cry.

I realise that the memories of you are still strong.

They affect me. They affect me as much as the new ones do.

And you know what?

It’s been a very long time since we broke up.

Is that normal?

Is it real?

Does history play such a big role in our lives?

Maybe that’s why past should stay in the past.

F*ck this. It hurts.